Here Is The Skinny

I was at Target the other day, and I overheard a conversation with an employee and a pregnant woman checking out. It was such an awkward conversation and I wanted to climb over the counter and punch the employee out. It just made me think back to my pregnancy and reminded me of all the stuff that people I DIDN'T know would say that irritated me.

Here are a few.

Are you pregnant?

My response was always "No, I am just really fat!!"

Don't ask this question ever!! What if they are heavy and not carrying a little nemo in there? Then how bad do you feel? And if they are pregnant, it is none of your business anyway!

When are you due?

This question really annoyed me!! Only because when I would tell them the date, they would start going on and on about their due date and how their baby came late or early and blah blah. By the time they were done, my ice cream was melted or my french fries were cold (which ever one my little fetus was craving at the time).

Can I touch your belly?

Um, no. Never. Please back away from me now.

Is it a boy or girl?

Does it really matter? Seriously. Once I tell you what it is, you are then going to ask what name I have, then you will proceed to give me your opinion on my name choice. Can I remind you that I am pregnant and very moody??

How much weight have you gained?

Excuse me? How much weight have you gained, fatty? Would you say this to someone who wasn't pregnant? So why would you say it to a prego when her hormones haven't seen normal in 6 months? Some people's children!!

Are you going to breastfeed?

This one was my favorite. Only because I would NEVER ask someone I didn't know, if they were going to put the baby on the boob. That is such a personal decision and none of your business, nosey lady at walmart!!

I am sure there are plenty more questions, those were just the ones that random strangers would ask me on a daily basis. It's amazing how once you have a little nemo taking up residence inside of you, people think they have a right to know every detail of how it got there and how it's getting out.

Another great thing is when you go to dinner and people get these scared looks on their faces like if they don't order before you, they might not get any. That's the best.

And last but not least, how about when you go to lunch with your parents and when you order an appetizer and a sandwich, your dad looks at you and says, "No wonder you are 200lbs."

Really? I am serious, my Dad said that to me. It's hilarious now, but then, I think I cried hysterically. It was embarrassing.

Remember, if you don't know them, leave pregnant girls alone.

And if you do know them? Don't ask to enter them into a hot dog eating contest.

1 Year

This is what little boy did after I told him he was a whole year old and he will get presents and cake.
This was the look he gave us after we told him now that he was a whole year, he would have to start paying rent and contributing. No one gets a free ride.

It's tough turning one.

Offspring

Cutest nugget ever.

Happiest Place On Earth

No, I don't mean the local Ben & Jerry's, though that could quite possibly be my second happiest place on earth. I am talking Disneylad folks. Yep, we went. It was ahhhhmazing. Here are some pictures of our little nugget enjoying himself.

You can't really tell, but he is dancing here. His newest move is to put his hands up in the air and let the music take him over. It's hilarious.

Here is when he spotted the Churro Machine. He went nuts. (don't all hispanic babies?)

He has his churro, and now he is off to Tom Sawyer Island to find the treasure. We didn't have the heart to tell him that there wasn't really treasure.

Here are my two men in front of the Halloween Sign. So cute.


Here are the boys with Eeyore. Or as Hubster would say, "that donkey."

Not Tonight Honey, I am full.

Ever been turned down by your spouse? (you know what I am talking about) I am sure we have all heard the excuse, or used the excuse, "Not tonight honey, I have a headache." Or, I am too tired. Blah blah blah.

Well my poor sweet friend "Bertha," was turned down by her hubby the other day.

She had 30 minutes in between jobs and was so excited to get home to him. Well what she didn't know, was that while she was working, he was stuffing his face full of peanut butter and jelly and washing it down with 7up. I know, I just threw up in my mouth too.

When she got home and told him her plans for them, he about puked. Only because the thought of any physical activity made his stomach turn. And not because his wife is not hot (she is a total betty), it's because the jiffy and the strawberry jam in his belly weren't putting up with the 7-up's crap. There for he had to break the news to her. "Not now honey, I am way too full."

Sad, but true.

I don't make this stuff up people.

Just a Little P.S.

Disney Resorts is having an AWESOME deal for 2009.

They are giving everyone free admission on their birthday in 2009. Amazing isn't it? I love me some Disney so of course Manny and I are both registered.

Kids under 3 are always free, so that means next year on mine or his birthday we will only have to pay for one ticket and all 3 of us will get in. Sweet!!

Stop reading my blog and get over to the Disney Resort website and register. Tickets are running about $70 so that is a HUGE savings. It is any resort you want too.

You can go to Florida or California.

That's your tip for the day. Don't ever say I never helped you save money.

You Have The Right To Be Price Checked

I went to Michael's the other day. (big shock) The one by me has been redone and is now pretty much heaven. I know you are all wondering if I went to the cash register to torture Miss Sassy Pants, but I didn't. I didn't even buy anything. I told you 2 posts ago that I wasn't feeling good, I wasn't lying. I almost died. (no I didn't) Anyways.

So while I was in Michael's, I noticed some employee walking around with a price scanner shooting it at people. At first, I just thought it was the cold medicine making me hallucinate, so I just ignored him. Then little boy (he is out of rehab and doing great) and I spotted him again. Seriously, the employee was playing Cops and Robbers with another employee and their scanners were their guns. I couldn't believe my eyes. I busted out laughing. I couldn't control myself. Even little boy was laughing. We weren't sure what was funnier, that two employees were getting paid some crappy wage to fend off evil bad guys or that there are two guys that work at Michael's. Either way, you can be sure that the crime rate is low at the Centennial Michael's thanks to these two morons.

Disturbing

We recognize that he has a problem.

Here is the intervention. Daddy told him he must go to rehab.

Comedy Hour

I don't feel good ladies and Gents!! So instead of coming up with some crazy post about hubster or little boy, I thought I would just post a few funnies.

Enjoy!

When Kids Start Cussing

A 6 year old and a 4 year old are upstairs in their bedroom. 'You know what?' says the 6 year old. 'I think it's about time we started cussing. The 4 year old nods his head in approval. The 6 year old continues, 'When we go downstairs for breakfast, I'm gonna say something with hell and you say something with ass.' The 4 year old agrees with enthusiasm.

When the mother walks into the kitchen and asks the 6 year old what he wants for breakfast, he replies, 'Aw, hell, Mom, I guess I'll have some Cheerios.'

WHACK!!

He flies out of his chair, tumbles across the kitchen floor, gets up, and runs upstairs crying his eyes out, with his mother in hot pursuit, slapping his rear with every step. His mom locks him in his room and shouts, 'You can stay there until I let you out!'

She then comes back downstairs, looks at the 4 year old and asks with a stern voice, 'And what do YOU want for breakfast, young man?' 'I don't know', he blubbers, 'but you can bet your fat ass it won't be Cheerios!'

Happy Anniversary

For those of you who don't know, today is little boy's 1 year anniversary. I don't think he is taking it too well. He is very crabby and wants nothing to do with his anniversary (he gets even more mad if you call it a birthday, trust me, it's not pretty). I tried to tell him that he looks great for his age, but he is still crabby pants.

People have been asking me what he wants for his birth.....I mean anniversary. Well, since he doesn't speak English, I can't understand him when he tells me what he wants. So let's just go by the traditional anniversary gift giving table. The first year is paper gifts. Some people would assume that means money. Giving little boy money is not a good thing. He will either rip it up and eat it, or throw it down my toilet. So how about napkins? Paper towels maybe? Or even that noisy white paper that comes in between nicely folded collar shirts, he loves that!! Little boy is easy to please. Just look around your house and see what can easily be destroyed and send it to him. Thank you.

Are you there Richard? It's me Suzanne.

Lately I have been going to the gym to get off the extra baby weight. Just in case you forgot, I am SUPER lazy. So getting off my chips and guacamole filled butt, is huge for me. I am not really the kind of person that goes to the gym and has a routine down so I have to take classes. The reason I take classes is because you are STUCK in there for an hour. I guess you could leave early if you wanted to, but you run the risk of the teacher saying "What's the matter fatty, couldn't hang?" Pretty embarrassing right? Yeah, so I go and work out for the whole hour. Today I thought I would go to Step 2. OOOHHHH Step 2, sounds scary right? Especially since I haven't been to step 1. But I am thinking that I am pretty coordinated and athletic, how hard could it be?

When I get there, I look around and it's pretty much a bunch of old people (they all had head bands on too!). Maybe a couple of people in their 30's but everyone else was borderline AARP members. That's when I really think, ok, this can't be too hard.

So the instructor comes in and starts talking. I notice that she is full of crazy energy, like she just drank 16 redbulls and had 2 cans of Jolt Soda. She asks the class if we are ready for warm up, of course we all say yes. So we start. Well they started. I stood there looking like a deer in headlights. A warm up? The warm up was like a choreographed dance routine! I looked like a little kid who was lost at disneyland just standing there watching everything going on around me. I was sooooo embarrassed. Here were these 65 year old women, doing these crazy aerobic routines and I couldn't even kick ball change. I decided I needed to channel my inner Richard Simmons. I just watched the instructor and next thing I knew, I was sweating to (or with) the oldies. To make it even better, the guy next to me, was the typical guy in the 1987 work out video. You know the guy that never breaks a sweat and is always hooting and hollering saying "Yeah, feels good!" or "Yeah, you can do it!" He was clapping to the beat and everything, it was great. I am not sure if I will go back to that class, but it was great humor for the day and a great trip back in time.